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Have you talked with your daughter about menstruation?   On average, American girls get their periods at 12, and many start at 9, 10, or 11. What do they need to know? What if they aren't interested? Before She Gets Her Period will help parents talk to their kids. The first chapter is excerpted here. For more information on the book, click here. If your daughter is eight, she's old enough for the talks to begin. Chapter 1 Mothers need to begin conversations about maturation, changing bodies, and menstruation when daughters are around eight years old. "But, why so young?" I am often asked. Daughters this age are still little girls. If your daughter's body has not begun to mature, it is difficult to believe that you need to get ready to talk with her. It is hard to imagine that her body will be mature anytime soon or that she will need to know anything about menstruation for many years to come. Yet, if she is between eight and ten years of age, her body is already beginning to mature. A hormone from her pituitary gland is being released into her blood supply while she sleeps. This process of physical maturity begins with internal changes before you notice any external differences. Before you know it, your little girl will reach puberty. In the United States, children have been growing larger and maturing earlier since the beginning of the 1900s. In the past one hundred years, the average age of a girl's first menstrual cycle has decreased from approximately fourteen years to an average of twelve years. Currently some girls as young as nine or ten begin their normal menstrual cycle. Even though boys do not have such an outward sign of sexual maturity as menstruation, it is reasonable to assume that boys are also reaching their sexual maturity earlier than previous generations. The April 1997 issue of Pediatrics, a journal published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, reported a study which analyzed average ages of onset of pubertal body changes in 17,077 young girls in the United States. Approximately 10 percent of the girls were African-American and 90 percent were white. The researchers concluded that: 1) the average age of the first menstrual period occurred at approximately 12 years of age for African-American girls and 12 years 8 months of age for white girls, 2) the average age of breast development was 8 years 8 months for African-American girls and 9 years 10 months for white girls, and 3) girls across the United States are developing pubertal characteristics at younger ages than previously thought. In fact, breast development or pubic hair growth was found in 3 percent of African-American girls and 1 percent of white girls at age 3 in this study. This finding came as a surprise to most people and was reported on radio and television programs across the United States. No one is absolutely certain why children are maturing younger. The most accepted theory is that improved health care has increased children's weight and speeded up their growth rate. Prenatal and postnatal vitamins, enriched foods such as milk and bread, and overall improved nutrition and health care contribute to increased body weight. Genetics also play a part in the onset of adolescence. Interestingly, girls who live in warm climates begin their periods earlier than girls who live in colder ones. This suggests that it is the warm weather or increased exposure to sunlight that initiates earlier growth and menstruation. Some theorists even believe that exposure to light (including electric light) is the reason that girls presently reach adolescence earlier than their great-great grandmother's generations. Regardless of the causes of accelerated maturation, it is clear that mothers need to prepare to talk with their daughters earlier than they might realize. Following are six stories written by girls aged eight to fourteen who are waiting for their first periods. Each one of these stories was chosen because it addresses the typical questions, feelings, and concerns of young girls. These girls have previously received some information about menstruation as well as sanitary supplies. Their stories are impressive because the girls accurately connect their physical and emotional changes to their approaching menstruation. They are aware that their breast development, body changes, and unpredictable moods are a part of growing up. Yet they write about a common fear, a fear of the unknown. They may know what to do when their periods come, but they aren't certain how to deal with or interpret the emotions and feelings that come with menstruation. These young girls' writings give many clues to why it is important to talk with your daughter as she waits for the unknown to happen. Before a girl gets her period for the first time, she has usually heard something about menstruation, but what she's heard from friends or what she has gleaned from television ads isn't always accurate. If your daughter is about eight years old, she has probably begun to be curious about this mysterious subject but may not know how to ask the right questions. Once you read the following stories describing the bewilderment, fears, frustrations, and anticipation experienced by young girls, you'll be much more apt to begin talking about menstruation with your daughter and to answer her unasked questions. These stories can thus become ice breakers for conversations between the two of you. I find that young girls do not always immediately admit to their feelings of fear or confusion about menstruation, but if you begin by discussing the stories in this chapter and talking about how these girls felt, your daughter will feel more comfortable about the subject...and so will you. I recommend that you read the stories twice. These stories are short and easy to read. The first time pay attention to the girls in the stories. Think about what they know, what they think they know, and what their anxieties and concerns are. The second time focus on the role of their mothers. Consider how the girls in these stories seek out their mother's guidance and reassurance.   Girls Waiting for Their First Periods "Embarrassing" · Madaline, Age 11 Well, to start, waiting for "it" is easy and hard. It's easy because I don't want "it" that badly. I mean, sometimes, to me it's just a little extra thing that really doesn't need to happen. But it does. You couldn't have any kids without it. Sometimes, I feel anxious to get "it." Like I kind of want it. Only a few girls in the sixth grade have it. Most of the time it feels like a big hassle. And what if you get "it" in the middle of social studies class? I mean, you just kind of notice that "it's" there. What then? For me, it would be the most embarrassing thing to have happen. Wearing this pillow-thing in your underwear would be really uncomfortable. Or, even worse, something up your you-know-what. But in the other sense, I kind of want it because it's like you are really growing up, you are a teenager. For me, I really want to be a teenager, learning to drive, having boyfriends and stuff like that. Anyway, my mom tells me most of the stuff I know about it. She had to teach it so she is pretty open about it. Sometimes, I think in one sense that it's not fair. I mean, it's not like boys have to go through any of it. They hardly have to do anything. Of course, I'm not a boy. But still, it doesn't seem fair to me. And I'm only eleven. I won't be twelve until July. A lot of other girls are much more likely to get it than I am. Just a couple of days ago, when I was in the girl's bathroom, I saw the paper part of the pad (what's left when you pull it off) on the floor. It said, "Beltless Maxis" or something like that. Of course, I knew right away what it was. But for the rest of the day I wondered whether it belonged to a teacher or a girl. Last year there was this girl in my class who was twelve. She had her period. She carried tampons around in this weird, ugly purse. She carried it everywhere. The problem was that everyone knew she had her period. She didn't know that everyone knew, though. She thought it was a secret but it wasn't. I mean I don't want to be like that. I don't want the whole school to know when I get it. That about sums it up.   "I Don't Think About It Much" · Alissa, Age 12 I don't really think about menstruation much. Every once in a while it crosses my mind. I am definitely not looking forward to it. I do sort of wonder what it's like. I kinda worry about how it will affect the stuff I do and how I do it. My mom says it's no big deal. But I don't know. My mom is the one who mainly tells me what I know about menstruation. I guess it is different for everyone. My friend's mom complains and sometimes even gets all mad for no reason in front of us. My mom doesn't get affected by menstruation hardly at all. As for what I think about it, I really don't know. Like I said, I don't think about it a lot. So, I can't say a lot about it. It is really embarrassing to talk about it, though, especially like in class and stuff. I don't feel that it's a big problem for some reason. I understand it okay. I sometimes sort of ask myself questions like, "What's it like?" "What really happens?" "Why does it have to happen?" "What changes happen when it starts?", and stuff like that. Thinking about menstruation is interesting though, isn't it? I'm not trying to be gross or anything. It's kind of weird and usually I don't even know what to think of it. I'm nervous about when I will start my period. What if I'm in school or something? And how am I supposed to tell my mom? What about my dad? Oh well, everyone goes through it so I might as well be positive and I'm sure I'll survive!! (Ha! Ha!)   "I Kind of Liked the Idea That I Was Growing Up" · Emily, Age 12 I got a lot of information about menstruation from school. I learned about all of the stages young women go through before entering adulthood. It scared me a bit to discover that my breasts would get larger and that I'd start growing hair other places besides my head. I talked with my mom about how my chest had started to get bigger. She told me I was getting ready to menstruate and grow into a young woman. I kind of liked the idea that I was growing up. I was embarrassed at school. I always wore baggy shirts. But then I realized I wasn't the only one whose breasts were getting bigger. Many other girls were getting larger breasts, too. I got very interested in menstruation. I read books about menstruation. The books were a lot more helpful and more exact than my friends. Now, I'm not saying that I don't go to my friends for answers. Just that I found a book more accurate. I found that my mom and my grandma are the best ones to ask. I can tell them my feelings about menstruation, too. My mom got some sanitary napkins or pads for me. I tried one on and it kind of felt uncomfortable. I guess my mom could wear pads with no problem. At school in P.E. I used to sweat a lot. I mean I just dripped sweat. I know that sounds gross but it is true. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. I am perfectly healthy. I just happen to sweat more than others. One night I was getting ready for my bath and I discovered some yellowish-clear stuff on my underwear. My mom said not to worry. It was just some stuff from my body. I feel kind of anxious for my period to come. I don't know why but I just do.   "Half of Me Says, 'I Can Hardly Wait,' and the Other Half Says, 'Bummer'"· Noelle, Age 12 I feel I'm waiting very patiently for my period. When I think about it, half of me says, "I can hardly wait." The other half says, "Bummer." A couple of good things about menstruation is that I can have babies, experience having a cycle, and be able to wear neat pads. Some bad things are those "neat pads" may not be so comfy. It might be a hassle to deal with every month. I also worry about cramps. Some things I know about menstruation are that between the ages of nine and nineteen a girl will find blood on her underwear. The blood is the lining of the uterus where an egg would be stored if it were fertilized. This blood comes every so often and needs to be soaked up so it doesn't ruin a lot of underwear. Sometimes, I don't think it's fair that boys don't have their periods, too. A couple of books that have influenced me are: Are You There God?, It's Me Margaret, and How Does My Body Work, A Book for Girls. A few people who have influenced me in learning about menstruation are my friends, my parents, and friends of my parents. Sometimes, I'm scared my period will affect me when we go camping, what pants I should wear to school and what boys will think. I'm also scared to ask a male or female teacher to go to the bathroom during instruction. A few things I don't really understand about menstruation are why do girls change to women, and why isn't there a sign that says, "It's coming, get ready." A fun thing I've found with menstruation is that if you put a tampon in water it puffs out. I hope my period comes on a regular basis. I think it would be hard to judge when to have a baby if it didn't come on a regular basis. I worry about when my period will come because I think when I get my period I'm not going to like it. One thing that is hard for me is getting used to wearing bras and different sized underwear. One thing I will never forget is when my guinea pig, Squeaker, was alive, I thought she would get her period, too. My dad told me that animals have a period of time when they are in heat. I told him that maybe we should buy our next guinea pig in the winter time. He then explained that "in heat" meant that a female animal was able to produce an egg and that's when a female guinea pig could get pregnant. So, I can buy my new guinea pig in summer or winter and she can get to be "in heat." I'm shy and excited about my period. I hope it will be an important time in my life.   "Physical and Mental Maturity are Different" · Sarah, Age 14 I am in eighth grade, but I still don't have my period. That really doesn't bother me. It might bother someone else. I don't see it as something to be proud of or upset about, nor as an excuse of any kind. I don't expect my life to change after getting my period. My earliest memory about menstruation is just my mom telling me about it when I was little, maybe six or seven years old. It's something that my mom has been very open about, and I've never been embarrassed about it. I don't like to tell people that I don't have my period because they assume that because I am 14, I definitely have it. Often people who don't know any better will use menstruation as a measure of maturity. It is a measure of physical maturity. Physical maturity is something I have no control over-something no one has control over yet. Often people will regard a young lady who has not yet gotten her period as mentally immature. That is wrong. I have no control over when I will get my period. I consider myself lucky that I don't have to deal with it. To me, menstruation is like eating or breathing. It's a fact of life. But it's a part of life for young ladies that they cannot control-so do not consider yourself inferior to anyone else, if you don't have your period-I don't. My friends, most of them, do menstruate. At first, I was looked down upon because I did not. But, that was short-lived and my friends realized that it was nothing to be proud or ashamed of. In the beginning (when my friends first got their periods), they were very proud of it. Also, they would complain to me about it. They realized that I couldn't say anything to them because I didn't know how they felt. When I do get my period, I will not be proud or ashamed. I will not complain. It's one of those things-period.   "Little Dots" · Annette, Age 8 I first learned about menstruation when I was reading a paper my friend was writing about her period. I thought it meant that little dots would grow on you. I have learned that isn't true. I asked my mother to tell me about periods. She told me and I said, "Yuck!" My best friend, who is twelve, got her period and she was happy. She called to tell my mother and me about her special day. I am only eight years old and my body has not started to change. Some of the girls in my grade have started to develop in certain parts. These girls all weigh more than I do and I do not mind it so far. The girls who have started to develop talk more about boys than I do for some reason. All us girls get along well and play together the same as always.   As you can tell young girls are aware and think about menstruation. After completing the Things To Do and Things To Think About, you will be ready to prepare your young daughter for menstruation.   Things To Do Write down how you think your daughter will feel (or does feel) about her changing body, menstruation, and growing up. Will she have similar feelings to any of these girls? If so, which one or ones? Write down what you think your daughter already knows about menstruation. After you begin your talks, check out if she really knows what you think she does. Things to Think About The girls wrote that their mothers were important sources of information for them. Was your mother your major source of information about menstruation? If not, who (or what) was? Do you remember your desire to have your mother or loved-one talk with you about menstruation? Did you go through a period of waiting for menstruation, or did you start before your friends? What was this experience like for you? What do you think the girls in the stories still need to know before they begin to menstruate? Are your daughter's moods or emotions presently changing? If so, might these changes be the beginning of puberty?